Please, let me fuck your mom
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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