I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
