i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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