Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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