yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
