I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
