2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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