It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
