I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My dick has a subreddit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
