Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've changed since you got that strap on
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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