you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
