We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
