Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
