And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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