I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
