I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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