he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
