Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
