last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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