My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
