I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
