That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
