We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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