Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize