i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
