Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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