I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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