margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the raccoons are back...
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