My liver just broke up with me...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
