I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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