Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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