remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think my vagina is haunted
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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