I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
