You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
