your parents love me but you hate me
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
