If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize