Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
