dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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