I'm laying in your front yard are you home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
