tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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