Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
