The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
