it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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