I want to make a zoo with you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
