I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
