How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
