Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
