if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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