i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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