Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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