I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
