you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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