I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
