It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
