pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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