I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize