That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
