Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are two peas in an std pod
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize