why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
