i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize