You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
