you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
