We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
