I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
