I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
