What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
