just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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