His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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