i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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