you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
