Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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