3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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