I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
