never play flip cup with pint glasses
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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