Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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