Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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