happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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