cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
