turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
