...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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