BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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