I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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