I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
