I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
