I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I could fuck to npr.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
