tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
