just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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