I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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