Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
