the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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