Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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