i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
