I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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