Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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