my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
