remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
