Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
