So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Welp...herpes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
